How Do You Communicate with Someone Who Is Toxic?

Communicating with someone who exhibits toxic behaviour can be challenging, draining, and emotionally overwhelming. However, it's important to remember that as Christians, we are called to show grace, while also protecting our own well-being. Balancing these two aspects—loving someone while maintaining healthy boundaries—requires wisdom and discernment.

Here are some key steps to consider when communicating with someone who is toxic, along with Biblical principles that can guide your approach.

1. Set Clear Boundaries

A toxic person may push or ignore boundaries, making it essential to establish firm limits on what you will and will not tolerate. Boundaries are crucial to protecting your emotional and spiritual health. Whether it’s limiting the topics you discuss or the amount of time you spend together, setting boundaries is an act of self-care.

Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Guarding your heart involves creating boundaries that protect you from the negative impact of toxic behaviour.

When communicating boundaries, be clear, direct, and kind. You might say something like, "I value our relationship, but I need to step back when the conversation becomes hurtful."

2. Stay Calm and Avoid Escalation

Toxic individuals often provoke emotional responses to gain control or manipulate a situation. It’s easy to get caught up in heated exchanges, but responding with calmness and composure is key. The Bible encourages us to remain patient and slow to anger. James 1:19 reminds us to be "quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."

By staying calm, you prevent the conversation from escalating into a toxic back-and-forth. If things do become too heated, it’s okay to take a break. You can always say, “I think we both need some time to cool off. Let’s continue this later.”

3. Use "I" Statements

When discussing sensitive topics with someone who displays toxic behaviour, using "I" statements can help prevent defensiveness. This approach allows you to express your feelings without placing blame or triggering the other person to become hostile. For example, instead of saying, "You’re always so negative," try, "I feel overwhelmed when there’s so much negativity."

Ephesians 4:15 advises us to "speak the truth in love," which means being honest but doing so in a way that shows respect and care. By framing your concerns around your own experiences, you make the conversation less about accusing them and more about expressing how their behaviour affects you.

4. Pray for Guidance

One of the most powerful tools we have as Christians is prayer. When dealing with a toxic person, it’s essential to turn to God for wisdom and strength. James 1:5 assures us that if we ask for wisdom, God will give it to us generously.

Before engaging in difficult conversations, take time to pray. Ask God to guide your words, soften the other person’s heart, and help you communicate in a way that reflects His love. Prayer can also bring you peace and calm when the situation feels overwhelming.

5. Know When to Step Away

There are times when, despite your best efforts, the toxicity of a relationship continues to hurt you. In such cases, it may be necessary to limit your interactions or, in some cases, step away entirely. This doesn’t mean you are unloving or unforgiving—it means you are protecting yourself from harm.

Matthew 18:15-17 offers wisdom on dealing with conflict. If someone refuses to acknowledge their toxic behaviour after repeated efforts to address it, it may be time to distance yourself. While this decision can be difficult, it’s important to remember that you are not responsible for changing someone else’s behaviour. You can love and forgive them from afar, while prioritizing your own emotional and spiritual health.

Balancing Love and Boundaries

Communicating with someone who is toxic can feel like walking a tightrope—balancing grace with healthy boundaries. By setting clear limits, staying calm, and relying on God’s wisdom, you can navigate these conversations with love and care. However, it’s also essential to recognize when it’s time to step back and prioritize your own well-being.

In these moments, remember that God sees your efforts, and He is with you through every challenge. He desires peace, healing, and healthy relationships for your life.

Scripture to Meditate On:
“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” — Colossians 4:6